The saber light and the red bee show.

Okay, I am far from a car person.  Ask anyone.  I haven't changed oil in a car since I was 20 years old.  After that, I just figured paying someone to do it is much easier than doing it myself.  If I had to rely on myself to change the oil, it would sit so long in the oil filter that it would somehow revert back to the dinosaur fossils from whence it came.  A miniature Jurassic park would break out in the bottom of my car and a tiny T-Rex would eat a tiny lawyer as he sits on a tiny little toilet.  Nobody wants that.  Well, one day as my wife and I were walking around a shopping center waiting for the toddler's Nina (That's her Godmother, whom she calls Nana, sometimes it sounds like banana, sometimes it sounds like she's saying Nena, of 99 luftballoons fame.) I was compelled to stop by Autozone.  I'm not sure why.  This was like some kind of escape..."Must get away from Sally's Beauty supply...help me Autozone Kenobi, you're my only hope..."
    Once I step inside of any auto parts store, I immediately feel like some kind of interloper spying on a hidden society that I will never understand.  I wander around and I can feel the eyes of the usual denizens of the zone of auto staring at me.  "Can I help you, sir?" actually translates to..."Are you sure you're in the right place...there aren't any comic books here." As an aside, what comics would Auto Zone carry?

 

"Featuring Clint Curtis" Well, why didn't you say so?

I bet Batman could kick the crap out of Clint Curtis,

no matter how fast he could rebuild an engine. Look at

him, he's evil, I bet he has a meth lab in that garage!

While in auto zone, I stumbled upon a flashlight.  Yeah, I know that doesn't sound cool at all.  Ohhh, a flameless torch!  What wonders doth the 21st century hold!  Well, when I saw this flashlight I was in geek heaven.  Leave it to me to find the only nerd-ish item in the super serious shrine to testosterone.  

                                              Okay, what does this look like to you?  Look closer,

                                              think geekier!

      Yeah, that's right!  I found the lightsaber flashlight! sure, it doesn't look exactly like a lightsaber and it is far from being official, but it's pretty damn cool.  Not only is this light a flashlight, it has a crazy red laser pointer on it too!  It's like having a really small, non-lethal beam of energy. 

Beyond looking like a lightsaber hilt, the other joy of the flashlight (which my wife refers to as..."That stupid ass, annoying flashlight") is that the baby loves to chase the red laser beam.  She calls it the red bee and runs around the house trying to "Squash it!"  The other night, she chased the laser down the hall, through the living room and to the television.  I decided to project the beam onto the black TV screen.  I said, look it's the red bee show.  For whatever reason, this was the most terrifying concept the baby has ever encountered.  She began trembling and crying..."No red bee show!  No red bee show!"  A little while later, she went to bed.  Later that night, she woke up and I put her in bed with us.  She began crying "No red bee show!"  Yes, my stupid ass flashlight scared the hell out of the baby.  Now it's in semi-retirement.  Autozone, you win.  You may have sold me the awesome Star-Wars flashlight, but it was obviously from the dark side of the force.