Word Sponge

     As the ripe old age of two rapidly approaches for our toddler it is becoming very apparent that as parents we really need to be aware of what we say around her.  Case in point, just the other day, I was holding the toddler as I walked into her darkened room, ready to put her into her bed.  Someone (I blame the teenager, but I blame  the contemporary teen for everything...the advance of bad movies, bad music, and the overall downfall of human civilization.) left a shoe in the middle of the floor and I stepped on it, nearly falling.  The first word that came to my mouth was...a somewhat colorful four letter word for feces that rhymes with fit.  Of course, the once sleepy baby immediately perked up.  She began spouting words like water from a leaky faucet.  "Shick!  Shick!  Shick!"  At that point I corrected her and told her how to properly pronounce the word and we took turns writing it down with giant crayons on a big sheet of lined paper.
     I always thought the whole concept of foul language being associated with "Talking like a Sailor" or "Talking like a truck driver" was rather unfair.  Are these the only two vocations to be connected to cursing?  No one ever says "Luna, you're cursing like a neurosurgeon!"  or "Goodness, you have the foul mouth of Queen Elisabeth the First!"

                                                           If his mouth wasn't covered, he
                                                           would be cussing you out!

     Whatever the case, yesterday my wife met her mother and our good friend/Luna's godfather-Nino at the Golden Arches Happy Time Family Restaurant (McDonald's) for some cheap eats and quality bonding.  A massive amount of apple juice and apple slices later and Luna required her mother's master diaper changing skills.  Since the bathroom was....well a McDonald's bathroom, my wife changed the baby on the trunk of the car.  Motherhood is quite glamorous.  Sadly, once my wife saw the result of Luna's apple fest and let me tell you, it was not pretty.  I imagine it looked like the aftermath of a truck hauling melted chocolate ice cream crashing into the play-doh-fun factory (Now I can never eat chocolate ice cream or play with play-doh ever again.) all contained in a toddler diaper.  When one sees such a traumatic event, certain words just fly out of your mouth, like doves in a John Woo movie (A Woovie, if you will.) 


                                                        
                                                         From Chow Yun Fat's personal dove collection.
                                                         Come on, watch the Killer or City on Fire.

Though these aren’t dove words, these are dirty, germ infested pigeon words that peck at your very soul.  So, our toddler used them like they were just spoken from the terrycloth mouth of Elmo himself.  “Itch!  Son of Itch!  Shick!”  Yes, those are essential neurosurgeon words. 
        My wife and I have both been trying really hard to use alternative words, but there are times when you just find yourself with your guard down and the dirty pigeon words just flutter on out.  As a society we have a double standard when it comes to the edgier words in our vernacular.  We shame others and ourselves for using foul language, but most of us have that guilty pleasure of watching movies or television shows laced with obscenities.  
       Could you watch a show like Dead Wood without all the cursing, it was accurate to the times?  These weren’t scholarly people being depicted, they were rough and tumble cowboys.  Imagine if you were watching a classic Robert Dinero movie and he said “Hey, you ducky little fluffer nutter, don’t you dare threaten me with that marmalade pie!”  Would he still have his tough guy image? 
Well for one thing, I don’t need a tough guy image.  I’m not Robert Dinero…even if I look like he did after gaining all that Raging Bull weight.  I am a guy raising two daughters and I rarely hang out with Joe Pesci.  (Not since I proposed a Home Alone reunion movie.  Come on, you’d watch it!)  I need to set an example, as hard as it can be at times.  Son of Itch!

By the way...please feel free to comment on any of the posts.  I welcome all feedback.  Thank you for reading!