Blast from the past: July 3rd

I knew that having a baby takes time. It's a nine month process, anyone who has ever had a sex ed class or watched that horrible Hugh Grant movie knows that. What they fail to tell you is how long it takes to get to the fun parts of pregnancy. Sure, my wife gets all the nausea and sick feelings, but what do I get?

At this point in the stage I can touch her stomach and pretend I feel something, but it's too soon in the game for that. "Oh, babe! I felt the baby's heart beat!" "No, that's my heart beat!" And so on, etcetera. The real waiting game is seeing the doctor. Everything from Look who's talking with a pregnant Kirstie Alley to Juno with a pregnant Ellen Page and Junior with a pregnant Arnold Governator has taught us (Well me, anyway) that as soon as you find out you are pregnant you are magically beamed away to a nice happy doctor who whips out the ultrasound laser beam spock gun and shows you a picture of your baby smiling contently for the camera in a weird, see-through fashion. (Remember the creepy fetus puppet they used in look who's talking too and Rosanne was the baby's voice....uh...me neither.) Well, it doesn't quite happen that way.

For real people, like my wife Mercy and I we are first given an appointment to see the doctor on Monday, June 29th. Only to check the calander and find out that there is no Monday, June 29th. So we wait another day to see the doctor. Tuesday rolls around and we happily approach the doctor's visit with glee and anticipation. But, we do not see the doctor. We see a nurse with a check list. A check list with questions we had already answered. Answers that were already on file in the computer. So, after re-answering the same questions and getting snooty replies by a tired and snooty nurse who has had to deal with a thousand pregnant ladies that day, we are given another apointment for the ultrasound. One week later. As for our first doctor's appointment....one week after that! So now, we anxiously await our baby's first pictures on July 7th. Movie characters have it easy, they don't have to wait for anything.